God's Road Signs

Persue short term goals with God.
You never know where you will end up
If you focus too much on the end result of where God wants you
Your tunnel vision will keep you from seeing what's on the side of the road.
...
The pit stops of life are where we actually learn from God
& the end result is our reward
Don't mix up your priorities
Learning from God through doing the small stuff
Is more important than getting the big stuff

I have found that doing the small stuff given to me from God
Has been much more enriching than the actual reward I thought I wanted
& the journey through the small stuff
Allows me to rest and reboot my tired body
While keeping me alert to others and not just my own travel plans

The small stuff gets us ready
They prepare us for what is to come
You cannot pop from point A to point B
Instead you need to travel, in some form, from one to the other

Some people journey long before reaching the person God intends them to be
Feet tired and unrested before finding their place and job in Him
The hardest journey prepares us for the hardest jobs
That's not to say, of course
That a short journey can not be a hard one

Some people have a jump to make
That is completed with help of the Holy Spirit
To go from one place to the other in a very short time
Because God needed them to be ready
So he prepared them for the near future

But still, there is the jump
It didn't just happen
& it wouldn't of happened, either way
If these people didn't glance away from their end goal
To get a glimpse at God's perfect goal

Sitting on the sidelines
Waiting to be discovered
Like a treasure in the desert
Waiting to be uncovered

Besides,
How will you ever reach any end goal,
That end reward,
If you don't look away & to the side for God's road signs?

My Enemy is My Friend

My Enemy is My Friend

 

Often times we look at our enemies in a questioning way. Why Lord, do we have to endure this person? Why Lord, does this person hate me so? Why Lord, do I have to go through this?

But what if we looked at our enemies in such a way that we viewed them as our friends? Friends come in many different forms after all. We have family that we consider friends and friends we consider family. We have new friends and old friends. There are friends that we consider acquaintances because we don’t know them very well. We also have work friends, furry friends, adult friends, young friends, and the list could go on and on. The truth is we have so many different types of friends that we label differently.

In the pop culture world there is a term called, frenemies.

Definition (a)-This is a term used for someone that you can get along with but also have to keep close in order to watch them so they don’t do something behind your back. A clever term for the old saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

This term I believe can be applied to an enemy of the Lord and therefore an enemy to you. All it takes is adding another definition below the previous one.

Frenemy. (b) A person or thing, seen or unseen that is intent on causing harm to a particular person but causes beneficial gain in the process.

You see, with every experience, good or bad, births wisdom in some form. Our enemies may try and hurt us and may even succeed in doing so, but we are always helped by these experiences. 

God allows and uses every experience we go through to better mold us and the more experiences we get, the wiser God allows us to become. So when our enemy tries to lure us in or even successfully does and injures us in some way, we have gained the knowledge for next time and can successfully thwart the enemies’ attempt.

Now with each gained experience the enemy will always try and get you another way, maybe something similar or something completely different, but through a relationship in Christ, which almost always strengthens through conflict, we become more intelligible and a seer of trouble ahead. Through Christ and the prior knowledge we gain through our previous battles, we can often gain the knowledge of the enemies plan to attack ahead of time and make wise decisions to skip it all together.

Granted God sometimes withholds the knowledge in an effort to teach us something more important that we will only learn through an attack rather than side stepping it all together, but for the times that He allows us the opportunity to see and turn away from trouble, the knowledge to do so only comes from Him and our previous experiences with the enemy.

So when the enemy attacks & we are pushed to go to God, we gain valuable experience that allows us to grow in wisdom, creating smarter choices and when we can help it, better happier lives. 

It doesn’t matter if the enemy successfully attacks or tries to and we stop it with the help of our Lord and Savior, we always learn something from all these experiences. God knows this, which is why He allows our lives to be enriched through the trials and tribulations brought on by our friend, the enemy. Our frenemy.

Christmas Traditions

The weather outside is windy
A front blowing in brings with it the expectations of joy this season
Almost everyone down the street is putting up lights
A man in the store where we were contemplating which lights to buy
Stopped and had about a 20 min conversation with us
What an everyday tradition I grew up with that I haven’t experienced in a while
Talking to strangers in the store or check out line
Was sort of a norm for generations back
 
Corbin is at the point in life where he enjoys the lights now
He wants them on all the time
Oh how wonderful it is
That  Christmas brings out the child in those of us
Who choose to enjoy it
 
I still like to lay under the tree while it is lit up and the lights in the house are off
And watch the lights twinkle and smell the pine
I can’t wait for Corbin to get a little bigger so we can make this a tradition
& hoping every year, while we lay under that lighted tree
That Texas will get below freezing with expectations of rain
So maybe it will snow
 
& on Christmas morning
Really early before anyone else
I like to go outside in my pj’s wrapped up in a blanket
And drink coffee

Nothing is better than wrapping up snug and sitting in the cold with a warm beverage
This too, I hope to do with Corbin when he starts waking up before me
In anticipation of opening gifts on Christmas morning
Sitting outside first
Me with my coffee and him with hot cocoa
 
The wonderful traditions we have or we start making in life are amazing
For each holiday we celebrate or birthday we rejoice in
Other than a select few day to day ones
These are the memories we tend to remember most
& others tend to get a glimpse of

Do you want them to see the you
In the store with a cart full of gifts and an attitude that shows anything but good holiday cheer?
Or do you want them to see the you
Who has bought gifts but is more excited to tell of celebrating the birth of Jesus

 

Think of life through how many Christmases we will have to enjoy

With our family & friends

I want every holiday to be viewed in the right kind of joy it should be

Christ, Family, Friends, Love for others

All of which are a blessing on ourselves and others

 

I hope I rear Corbin in the right mind set
Even though we will watch all the good old Christmas cartoon specials
Especially the original Grinch
& when this materialistic world throws slashed prices his way

I want him to remember that

Just like you can’t buy someone’s love on Valentine’s Day

You also can’t buy happiness, tradition, or love on Christmas

Gifts are more about the giving than the getting

 

There is a reason for this gift giving
Celebrating the birth of Christ
Just like we celebrate birthdays

 

There is a reason hearts fill with joy during Christmas
A divinely given joy from our God
Our hearts soar because He came
A knowledge the heart and soul just know
Even if the mind isn’t made up yet

It is not the pumpkin spiced lattes or the apple cinnamon scents
It is not the songs or the weather
It is the remembrance of the great sacrifice
That transpired through the birth of our Savior

That brings on that joy 

I want Corbin to remember that always
Once I am gone and he is rearing his own family
To be an example for his future children
As well as for others who are watching him

 

Make no mistake that the world we live in right now is a blessing
Not far from now
The reason for this season will not be allowed or celebrated
It will become harder for Christians to worship
& Christmas will soon become a shopping holiday it is already on its way to becoming

Let us not grow weary though
Let us continue to pray that our Lord holds off a little longer
That through extra time we can help bring more people to Him
Especially by using the way we celebrate Christmas for the reasons we should
Telling all the good news of Christ’s birth and how He died to save us.

And We Walk

Daddy please hold my hand

I’m a bit wobbly and cannot stand,

I want to walk on my own

But I must learn how to first, this I know,

Step into step, I trip and almost fall

But Your hand catches me and stands me back up tall,

My steps are clumsy, little, and slow

While trying to keep up with You on this stroll,

You see my disability that will fade with age

You find compassion and lovingly engage,

Slowing Your own steps to match mine

& matching my grateful smile You are also inclined.

 

I’ve learned to walk now, even to run

With this freedom comes the urge to experience everything before the days are done,

But still with a firm clasped familiar hand

You lovingly hold on and explain something better is planned,

My know it all protests are not complete without complaints

So understandably, You tighten the restraints,

You stop our stroll and tell me to be still

Fidgety and reluctant I say, okay Daddy, I will.

 

Time has passed, my agreement, come and gone and come

Wayward is my nature and what wobbly legs have become,

Back and forth on the still request

Is where my allegiance has rested its nest,

The minute I was granted a little freedom, I took off and ran

Not understanding that freedom isn’t freedom but a pit where defiance lands,

Instead of looking to my Father for advice

I decided mine made more sense and I paid the price,

The trouble that found this wayward teen

Even that which went unseen,

The accidental and the deliberate kind

Each unknowingly had their purpose and part in time,

But mine were the choices that were made thereafter

Choices that peered through my soul with evil laughter,

I didn’t look to You in my all-knowing fire

& my knowing was snuffed and landed me in the muck and mire.

 

Years passed while treading through junk I mistook as my home

What should of felt comfy made me feel alone,

A young adult but a pack rat old in age

Still working on accumulating baggage and receiving despair as a wage,

Muscles of steel hardening around my heart

& to remove them, I didn’t know where to start,

This now strong stance of mine was starting to wobble once more

& my muscles from running had now become sore,

Learning to walk will all have been in vain

If I didn’t go back and start from the beginning, no matter the accompanied shame.

 

It’s been two years and I’m now walking strong again

Next to my Father like I would a good old friend,

We still hold hands when the time is right

& when He says to stay still, I stay still with all my might,

When He speaks my soul quiets

& within me He has ignited a fiery riot,

A combustible love for my patient Dad

Who wasn’t above sifting all my bad,

Who never stopped calling loudly my name

Who loved a heart so undeniably lame,

Parent and child before its creation heard His voice,

Have grown close and become friends by a happily invited choice.

& while we walk

We rejoice.

 

Acceptance; A New Attribute

I came across a Bible study that God put in my path at the Christian Book Store called, “The Calloused Soul”, by Evelyn Watkins. Can I just say I did NOT want to do a self help study. I only wanted to learn more about the word so I could better answer questions given to me by people and a self help Bible study just seemed too self loving for me. But I picked the book up and bought it anyways. After all, God told me to.

One of the things in the book she instructed to do was ask people who they think you are and how they think others perceive you. Let me say now, I didn’t want to do this. It was embarrassing and scary. But oh, what a difference it has made in how I perceive myself. I have learned so many things, like it is okay I am changing. It’s okay to let go. It’s okay to forgive and move on. A tremendous weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. If I could only share with you the hurt I have been carrying for many years, from youth until now, but I am not quite there yet. I feel light but heavy with the love of Christ. I patted that little girl on the back, hugged her, and told her it was okay. This certainly isn’t some fly by night revelation either. It has taken much contemplation on my part. We all know we are messed up in some ways but figuring out where and how to fix it is hard. Only by God have I begun to start this journey. My past is just that. It’s over now and God will use it someday and for now I can move on and when that day comes for Him to use my hurts for His glory, since I am making steps to forgive and heal, I will be ready.

:::Hope you enjoy:::

The old house looks the same. White siding with navy blue shutters. As I drive slowly by, the white railing along the porch is still standing. The trees my granddad planted are strong and green. Even the one I stood in front of for pictures before prom. I am just waiting for my grandmother to open the door and look out the screen door but she will never open it anymore. She sold it about a year ago and moved up with my uncle who will not let us, his sisters’ children, see her. But there is no sense in hashing out the bad in my mind. There are so many sad memories that only hinder growth, so I think back on the good times I did have through the layout plan of that old house and only use the sad for purposes God wants me to.

I take a step in through the front door and straight into the foyer that leads to the old wooden staircase. I still remember which steps creaked and how to swing properly off them by way of the small decoration only railing. I see the piano next to the wall and the old 70’s style couch aside the other wall. The eight trackstereo is to the left side of the door leading to the corner where we always set the Christmas tree. For just one moment, I am little again.

I run up the stairs without a hitch in my mind. Elementary in age, short and skinny but limber and strong. Straight up the stairs to my siblings’ rooms. Each one of which I will claim as my own for a short time. Both with views of neighbors’ houses.Neighbors who, will slowly come and go. I see myself growing but yet shrinking at the same time. Like an elderly person growing in age but shrinking in size, I grew in stature and figure but shrunk into a comfortable safe haven in my mind. And as I grew older and lost my innocence, so did this house. Standingstrong in all it has seen while slowly things were removed from the house. A chair here, a child there. Like me, slowly becoming a shell of its former self. But I fully believe my God allowed me to be emptied completely, leaving only broken parts, so that He could fill every last crevice and cover me completely full of His love. To whip me around fast and quick knowing full well, if He had done it slowly I would keep reaching for the old me, the one unwilling to change and let go, still inside.

It was a slow creep of growth to where I stood, in that pit all alone, as He positioned people in my life perfectly, while I walked circles in muck and mire, blind & oblivious to His actions. Then, out of nowhere, He took my heart and ran.

One of my traits given was an enigma. (a person of puzzling or contradictory behavior).  Once I set down and thought about it, it made sense. The Lord took many broken pieces, many of which contradict each other, and put them together usingHimself as the glue. I am one big wonderful mixed matched person who God put back together that way for a reason. A person who I once saw as messed up and ugly, He is showing me is beautiful and loved and is no longer that girl she was and doesn’t have to hide in the shadows looking out on others she wished she could be like. Complete.

There is a reason I am eclectic in character and mesh well with so many different type of people. I don’t have to be someone else because being me is pretty cool too.

I can stop being dragged back to my old pit of attributes and characteristics by the undertow of my past that only defined a girl before she met God. I can fully rest in the fact that I am a saved child of God and it is okay to see myself as the woman God has made me into as of now. I don’t have to look back on my former self. Instead, I can be proud of the woman He has transformed me into. It’s okay to have people complement meand it is okay to ask for help because there are good people out there. I am so glad I did ask for help on this particularassignment. I have been mulling it over in my head since I got the responses back, and how blessed am I to have wonderful sisters in Christ who were very gracious to do so. I asked God what He wanted me to do with all this and it is now clear to me that He wants me to see myself as He sees me, which is directly related to how others see me. He wants me to see myself as how I could be as well so that He can use me later on. After all how can he use me if I am still broken? That’s like trying to use a hammer that has no head.

I am to work on talking face to face. Sometimes I use my writing as a crutch because I am scared to put myself out there. But God wants me to. This I am positive of. I am a good speaker when emotions are not involved but I know God wants me to work on that. Maybe to better talk with people one on one. There is not a doubt in my mind about the fact that spiritual warfare goes on in all our lives. How better for the enemy to thwart your steps to God then to remind you of whom you were before Him. But now that I have recognized where God wants me to work on I can fully rest in the fact that I am and will beokay.

My God loves me and He has a purpose for me. One that is probably far away but each step I take in building myself in the image He wants me, His image, is one step closer to what He purposes. I can shed this little girl and all the wrong doings done by her and to her and walk upright in the image He wants that I am going to try so hard and fill.

Don't be fooled by an outward appearance.

   What may look small can actually pack a big punch. This ant may look small but can actually lift up to 100 times it's weight and like sin that looks harmless it can hurt much more than we initially bargained for.

   The  thing about sin is oftentimes you don't feel the pain from it until after the sin has been committed. A good example of sin waiting until after you commit it to show its ugly consequences is a sugar ant bite. 

    The first bite you generally don't feel. 9 times out of 10 you don't even know you got bit until it starts itching. Than over the next couple of days the infected area starts to fester and creates a pustule, that if popped, will release the toxins from the ant bite. Until that time though, the ant bite causes discomfort to you.

    Much like sin. Let's say you get upset with someone and decide to tell them off. Feels good doesn't it? Until the buzz wears off of course. Once that happens you get a sudden since of guilt that leaves you wishing you could turn back time. You may be going over everything you said and thinking of how you could have said it better. Maybe, hopefully, wrestling with the want to apologize and talk things out with that particular person. This can go on for days, even a lifetime if you let it. But if you go and talk it out with that friend than you allow that issue to be released and move on.

    Some of us though, take many beatings from ourselves before we see right.

    When I was in high school I was walking to class. Taking my time of course to get there. I stopped to look around and had no idea I was standing in an ant bed. Here in Texas we call these little red guys Texas fire ants. They are huge and they hurt. The pain is known to travel up the leg or arm, depending on where bit, and burning the whole way up there. For whatever reason though, I didn't feel one bite. I had no idea I was standing in an ant bed. It wasn't until I began to move that I felt them. As I tried to get them all off of my foot it had already swelled 3 times it's size. I had to leave school for the rest of the day. The swelling went down by the next day but I was left with bite marks all over my foot and that took about 2 weeks to fully heal. I still have a couple scars.

    Sometimes we tend to think we are fine skirting the fence of right and wrong. We believe we can quit doing something that is wrong whenever we want and it won't affect us at all. ...until we fall over and get roughed up a bit. We skip and we skip along in and out of sin not seeing any negative results and think we are good. What fixing one mess up, like arguing with a friend because of a sharp tongue and egotistic pride, could become alienating everyone we love from our lives.

    Sin needs to be handled immediately and never lessened in any way. Sin, even sin we see as nothing more than little child's play can become so monstrous we don't recognize where it came from and when it gobbles us up and spits us out we are left with scars only Jesus can heal.

    Turn to God today to help identify where your sins lie.

    A convicting nail in your side now is more confortable than sin that will kill you later.

Autumn's Thoughts

The fresh dead leaves float carelessly to the ground
Like music notes in the sky
Fall is almost upon us
The weather is fickle
A bit confused on where its temperature should be
But the trees in early anticipation
Get an early start on shedding the old
& are slowly loosing a couple leaves at a time
Mushrooms are growing up amongst the crisp old fragile leaves
Giving yards a bit of a whimsical feel over the smell of festering musk
That the older leaves give off
Only slightly filling the nostrils
But wonderfully inescapable at the same time

& as I stand outside looking over the colorful ground
Giddy over the notion that in a couple weeks
I'll probably be wearing a sweater
I also think of how I have survived another change
The seasons give life's years a timeline
And with each seasons change
Comes the realization that
We only get so many
And our loved ones only get so many with us
Corbin will be 3 when summer rolls back around
Growing so fast
Steven and I will have been married 11 years a week & 1/2 before then
My nieces and nephews are all growing up so fast
In pictures

& as the thoughts swim around
In my already ticking, conscious, clock like mind
I follow Corbin around to the swing set in the backyard
& I remember when we first got it
Not even 1/2 a year ago
Took forever to put it together
& He could barely use it
But after a couple months of only using the swing
He now does it all
(A great metaphor for our strengthening faith in God)
& much like he grows and learns new things everyday
So do I

I have come to realize that my life
With all that it is
& isn't
I can accept
I can be okay with
& all the disappointments
The situations out of my control
With everything God allows to enter my existence
I am beginning to let go of them
Only by His almighty changing power
I have grown in ways I wouldn't have thought possible
& through it all have begun to learn
To let go & let Him
Things in my life last year
I wouldn't of wanted to let go of
Resentment and justified anger
Pits of sadness and hopelessness
Seasons upon years
Years upon seasons
Everything building up
& this season happens to be the one
That amongst the growing pains of everyday life
I can say its okay
I can release my grasp
Because of the help of God
& now can stretch without the weight of life
Straining my shoulders
Standing erect and growing in my faith

If the amount we change in a year
& the ways in which we do
Could be painted on a canvas
It sure would be a sight to behold
A study within its lines
& if it could be done
The painting of the ones who change themselves
So that they may keep us
Would be an explosion of beauty, struggle, & understanding
evoking strong emotion
Both worthy in their own respects
Complimenting each other's existence

With all the seasons
Come names of people
That I have lost & found
Names of those who impacted my seasons of change
I cannot think of anyone without fond memories
Even amongst the worst memories I have of people
But much like many come and go in life
Soon this fall will disappear
Off of the ground it once laid so effortlessly on
& with it
Winter

The ultimate oxymoron
Frightening the delicate green to stay hiding inside the trees sheltering wood
& the flowers cuddled
Seeded in the sheltering dirt
Even the water hides beneath a shell
But even as powerful and cold as winter is
With it comes Christmas
& a warm sense of giving
A fireplace composing a ballet across the walls of our hearts
A fondness for our fellow man
A feeling we should carry with into the new year
& throughout every season in life

Upon the thought of the second coming season
I experience a bittersweet feeling
The knowledge that this will be another end of year holidays
Separated from siblings
Another one
With a wall between the family
Another one filled with the same old problems
I don't know if my son will ever get the joy
Of having big family holidays
If not with siblings
With cousins
He will have a good Christmas
Filled with more toys than he needs
But what are they
In a room with others that go unplayed with?
How do they stand
Against the joy of family?
I want my boy to have that
Family
Other kids laughter and squeals
Matching his own excitement
I pray one day
I will be able to give Corbin that
By way of siblings
Or cousins
& that one day
We will all be able to do holidays together

But until then
I look back on my many years
Continuing pondering this life thus far
Hoping to learn something new amongst the standing structures & rubble
& thank the good Lord for blessing me
With the seasons He has
The seasons He is
& the seasons He will
I will brush off the feelings that are anything but happy
Knowing that my Father in heaven
Will handle them the way he sees best
I let go of everything
Breath a relaxing smile
Set my son in his swing
Give him a big push
Take in his jubilant squeal
& be happy for this autumn day
The Lord hath given.

Priorities Of A Godly Woman

1 Timothy 5:14
So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.

   So it is my 2nd day at work and my back hurts after sitting at this desk all day and entering invoices and product orders. I am certainly not use to the posture it creates for me to say the least. But this problem is not a difficult one, I will get use to it pretty quick. But until then it makes me want to go home and be lazy for the rest of the day but I have responsibilities that have to be tended to when I get home.
   I know there are many working moms out there, single or married that find it difficult to juggle work and then go home and take care of mom duties. For those single women that have no choice but to take care of things I commend thee, but for those women who are married like I am, we have to remember that the house and the children are ultimately our responsibility. We cannot choose to go to work and then come home and want to ignore those responsibilities or get angry with our husbands for not doing them for us. Yes, we may have our husbands at home helping out with some of the chores but in the end, it is our job to make sure those things, especially everything that deals with our children for the most part, is our responsibility. God is very clear about a woman's role in the family.

   The reason I posted 1 Timothy 5:14, even though it is addressed to widows, it is a verse that really pertains to all women. Our main responsibility is maintaining the workings of the household and although our husbands are the head of the household the women are the ones who maintain it. I heard in a movie one time that the man is the head but the women is the neck and she moves the head.

   1 Peter 3:1 explains that we are called to move our husbands not by way of hateful words of guilt but by the way we conduct ourselves. Our husbands are more apt to move and help us and do what we ask or need when we do so in a calm easy going manner. The same goes for the way we ultimately run the house, like our children and our cleaning duties for example. When we take care of those duties like we should our husbands appreciate us more and want to help us out. A happy child and a meal on the table every night, husbands tend to appreciate more than they will an extra check. And because of this, those of us who do work, have to learn to juggle and when we do we need to prioritize the balls we are throwing so that if one falls it is of the least importance. Family, home, and then work is really how our priorities should fall.

   I wonder if anyone stops and wonders if the fact that both parents are having to work to make ends meet is directly correlated to the waywardness of children these days. That being said, it is not wrong for a mother to work and bring home the bread but men and women are wired differently. Our children need to feel secure in the fact that mom is going to be there should they need us. Those of us who are able to make the choice to work or not and choose to go ahead and do so, need to understand that our families and our home come first.
   Our greatest accomplishment in life, aside from our relationship with God, is the children we turn out into the world, not the amount of money we accumulated or the name that we made for ourselves. It can be a daunting task to look at all the things that are required of a godly women and to try to live up to such standards. But God doesn't call us to be perfect wives or perfect mothers. Instead     He calls us to be examples for the younger generation the best way we can. We all fall short of the glory of God but it is the trying to be the best we can in the Lord that matters. In the end it is our faith in God that grants us access to heaven but here on earth our example matters to those who are not saved but more importantly for our children. For the daughters to follow suit of their mothers good examples and for the son, in the fact that you will want him to marry a godly women and he will look for one that matches your example. Titus 2:3-5 addresses this by explaining how women should be examples for the younger generation.
   Proverbs 31 is also a great description of how a woman should hold herself and the duties she should follow. Now I fall short on many of these. I wish I had the tenacity to get up at 3 in the morning with my husband and make him breakfast and a lunch for work but I don't. I barely make it out of bed to get my son and myself fed and ready for him to go to his grandma's house and me to make it to work on time.
   But, when I do get up I make sure that the house is clean enough before I leave. I do the dishes from the night before if I wasn't able to get to them and hang up any clothes I dried as well. When I get home, I cook dinner for my family that we eat at the table & away from electronic devices so I can further keep the relationship between everyone close and up to date on their day. And although my son is only 2, man does he have a lot to talk about at the dinner table! I also pick up toys and whatever else is in the living room that doesn't belong there when I get home and on my days off I vacuum, sweep and mop. My husband helps with some of these tasks but in the end, I know, these are my responsibility. It may sound like a lot but as I fit in all my more important responsibilities along side work I find, even though it seems there isn't enough hours in the day, (Philippians 4:19), God always provides enough time for me to have plenty of down time with the family He has entrusted to me.
   So in about 30 min I will be headed home and I get to relish in the blessings of my work at home and enjoy taking care of my family in the way God intended. I count myself blessed that I get to take care of my family with working as well. I am happy to take on extra responsibilities and I hope all you working mothers are too. Count yourself extra blessed that you get the opportunity to take care of your family in more ways than one!

To All My Suport, Thank You.

Thanks everyone for your support. I have definitely been down about the comments about why I post so many things about God on FB for a while but the disapproval has really piled on this week. I actually found myself crying real tears over this. Which never happens btw. I don't really ever cry. But when I slowed down I noticed most of the punches came from myself. The worst enemy the devil can use against you, is yourself.

I never had as many complaints about me talking about God when I wrote poetically but I think its because it is less to the point. When I write my blog and share on FB, which I started and all these comments really came roaring in, I find myself writing more structurally and although I use metaphors it's definitely more to the point. Which people who are not believers or who only want to hear God's word at church don't like to be bothered with on a normal day. 
& I began thinking,

 ---I am certainly not qualified. What makes me think I should even write about God? I am not a scholar and although I have plenty of experiences in life to take from I am not what most expect when it comes to being seasoned because I am young. I am not even close to where my mentors are and don't know if I ever will be. My family as a collective whole has and probably always will be in shambles. I have doubts that can be debilitating to my walk with God sometimes & I am constantly making mistakes, especially when it comes to opening my mouth. I am certainly not a living example of Christ that anyone should go off of and I am probably not reaching anyone anyways. These thoughts of mine I could organize in a journal long hand anyways & when I am better put together in Christ, He can use me then.---
These are some of the thoughts that have been going through my head this month only to have people verify my own doubts in myself.

But I got an email today from my daily devotional talking about affliction against those who preach the word. Literally called, Adversity: Catalyst to a Call. This with the encouragement I woke up to on fb has picked me up so much. I am a good person and a strong follower of God. I am a child of God and He loves me, even through all the things I see wrong & others see wrong with me.

Now please don't get me wrong. I don't feel like God is changing lives through what I write or calling me to anything big but I do feel called to write about Him because the passion to write about Him is so strong and it makes me so happy when I have learned something new and get to write about it and share it and read the finished product. Real joy only comes from God.

I have been told I am more than a Christian & I am more than a person of God and should explore those attributes. But the truth is, I am nothing apart from Christ. Who I have become now from who I was in the past is only because of Him. The reason I am living and breathing after my teenage self tried to handle a dark time in my life on my own is solely because of Him. I owe my life to God & whoever I will become later in life, whatever I will do, will only be because of Him.

I understand it can be hard to take. I use to get annoyed or uncomfortable around people who talked "God" all the time and then there came a day when I wanted that. I wanted to be like that and have that. Instead of saying, "God! Really?! You know what I have been through and it's Your fault!" it became "God. You know what I have been though and You love me anyways." The rest is history and will remain that way.

I am so lucky for the Christians God has put into my life to help me with the one thing I have always lacked, confidence. & although it is hard, I do count myself blessed when I get to deal with affliction because it reminds me that not everyone is Christian and that I am not immune to the worlds affliction. And once I get done feeling sorry for myself, which the Lord never allows for long, this realization helps drive my want to spread the word and make this world better the only way it can be done, with His almighty love.

Being a mom of a toddler I don't get chances to evangelize like some do over seas or on foot throughout the community and I don't feel called to do that right now anyways, but I do have the chance to talk to those I come into contact with and to write on my down time and try to reach people through the Internet and I do feel called to do that.

The Internet is used for so many wrongful things and secluds us when we think it draws us nearer. We all should use it to reach people in a better way. In today's world where everyone's head is in a phone or computer, the only Christians they might meet is us through social networking. It might seem small but it is obviously making an effect, even if it is through groans...and tears. God has a reason for everything, and through all my doubts, worries, & affliction, I will rest in Him while I spread His word the best way I can, as of now.

Questions for God?-Thoughts on Thomas

Have you ever questioned your faith or wanted proof from God instead of relying simply on faith? Believe me, everyone does at some point or another. I certainly have. But through doubt we are able to recognize a broken or weak area in our bridge that leads us away from the world & into His. (Metaphorically speaking). We are able to recognize our weak faith, repair it, & stand steady on it. Creating a strength in an otherwise unsteady bridge and allowing us to move forward. Thomas the apostle really shows how questioning God in complete inquisitive truth can help us fix a part of our faith that needed fixing or reworking, strengthen our faith in God, and give us new insight into who He is and what He purposes for us.


The Apostle Thomas was such a small character in the Bible. In fact he was only mentioned a few times in the Word. But much like there are no small parts but only small actors, Thomas was a very important figure in our faith today.
There is a quote saying, -"Thomas doubted so we wouldn't have to."-
Two quotes, out of the most important quotes about faith in my opinion, from Jesus were made in response to Thomas' questionably doubtful but truthful nature.
In John 14:5-6, Thomas said to Jesus, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?”
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
This alone is our faith in a nut shell. Jesus, is the only way to heaven.
&
In John 20:25-29, Thomas shows reservation about believing that Christ has risen and shown Himself and states he will not believe unless he sees the wounds in Jesus' hands. A week later Jesus shows himself again to the apostles and tells Thomas to touch His wounds so that he may believe. Thomas then says to Him, "my Lord and my God!" Jesus then says, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
This quote wraps up that previous nut sell in its hard exterior. We must believe in Christ to get to heaven....even if we have not physically seen Him.
-"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."-Saint Augustine

Thomas was an important evangelist and speculations of him opening the first Christian church in India is credited to his name but I would like to think his biggest service to God was giving us a look see into what faith is about.
He made it to where we can see doubt spoken directly to God from a man who was ready to give his life for God. (John 11:16)
A bit cynical in his approach but we shouldn't have fear when approaching God. We should be straight forward with our doubts and fears. God already knows them but when we lay them out on the table ourselves our relationship strengthens 10 fold!
Thomas showed a character flaw, (doubt) that wasn't without rebuke from God but was made useful for years and years to come.
Consider that our doubts, although stemming from the devil trying to sway us are also used by the Holy Spirit to strengthen our relationship with God. It is only by addressing these matters we can get through them & become less apt to have them in the future.

After Thomas was shown Jesus he stated my Lord and my God. He is the only person in the Bible to say my God to Jesus. Which in my opinion is very important because after having doubts he proclaimed Jesus WAS God. Such a heavy truth. & for a man who was only mentioned a couple times in the Bible.
We don't know our own importance while we do the things we do. We might think we are terrible followers because we continue to stumble and greet sin with open arms and blind eyes or worse open eyes, but God can use everything for His glory and we may never know what our minimal existence will help with down the line but we can be sure that no matter how small or how unseen, God is using us and that is a BIG truth and of the utmost importance.

God's Way

When we & or our faith feel attacked let us pray the Armor of God and remember, our God is bigger.

Ephesians 6:10-18

Sometimes life throws us some doozies doesn't it? And throughout these complicated problems, 9 times out of 10 we have a knack for messing them up even worse than they started.

Why?! Why can't we seem to keep silent instead of keeping our mouth open and why can't we look to God and search Him before we search our own self-seeking hearts? 

That sinful nature of ours never seems to give us a break does it? Thank the good Lord that He cared enough to give His son Jesus to die for those sins. Sins we might have to answer for here on earth in the form of consequences but sins that have also been forgiven and no longer shackle us to an eternity separated from God.

The heartbreak that last statement gives me could shatter all windows within a couple hundred miles of me. I think of the heartbreak I feel when I get into arguments with loved ones and know how that hurts so but just like the heartbreak of complete separation from Christ can be a remedied problem through faith in Him so can us learning from our mistakes through the healing power of Christ.

He heals our hearts and sets our minds on Him and purifies our thoughts so that we know how to speak and act in ways that glorify Him.

Let us remember to pray before we respond to any circumstance, even if it's a quick prayer asking God to help us say or write what is appeasing to Him and will ultimately shine on His glory.

When we mess up it is not the end but instead the begining. Another chance to enter into a similar position and handle it better and say to all who see, "I handled that this way because God changed me."

Upon everything we have done let's rest a new way to handle the same problem but this time, God's way.